synny's Xanga

Amy Acker is Perfect

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 23:15:16 GMT

(she's actually pregnant in these two above)

I hate Winter

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 19:23:20 GMT

Its arctically cold outside and theres all this drizzley snowey sleety mix going on. Just enough to make it hard to get anywhere and enough to make you wanna stay curled under a blanket. We got fitted for our bridesmaid dresses today...talk about sickening.

Here's hoping that by the time the wedding gets here I'll be able to have mine taken in.

I plan to spend my evening catching up with an old workout dvd I loved when it came out. Its corny and not super effective but I'm recovering from bronccitis so I can't go too crazy today. Anyway anybody else a secret fan of the carmen electra aerobic striptease dvds? :x Anyone? Bueller?

The unintentional theme of today is thin girls with beautiful tattoos. I used to have this picture of a red haired girl, she was pale and just so delicate looking but she had the most beautiful shooting star going down her ribcage. I always wanted a tattoo but god it would just be a waste on my body.

11:36 Hot Girl Post

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 03:44:03 GMT

So as of late right about now is when I get the biggest urge to eat something I don't need, and I'm never even actually hungry. Normally I'm just bored.

Instead of that, tonight...in keeping with my gamer geek side I decided to post a couple of photos of the very gorgeous and perfect Layla Kaleigh, who used to host a show on the G4 network called Attack of the Game. Most recently Ms. Kaleigh has been featured as a vj on MTV specifically on America's Best Dance Crew.

Generally I prefer to use real girls for inspiration, and but I do enjoy an occasional celeb and quasi-celeb post.

Now I'm not sure all of her parts are orginal so to speak she does have great arms and legs and a super flat tummy, and amazing hair,definitely enviable. I also think the last two are a pretty great comparison, she's gorgeous in both but in the first one she has definitely worked harder to tone her body.

Its never too late to save yourself

Wed, 07 Jan 2009 00:45:18 GMT

Its been a very long time since I took a serious look at Xanga. Mostly I skim through, check out the thinspo people have posted and hope everyone is doing well. I have not been committed for a long time. I have not been committed to making myself better. Six months ago I quit my job, I'd been beyond miserable stuck in a job below my education with a woman I would swear was kin to Satan as a boss. I simply could not put up with the verbal abuse and blatantly homophobic and racist slurs she would spout through out the office. Crazy to quit when the economy was bad but I had to decide whether I wanted to stay stuck in such a miserable world. By the day I put in my two weeks notice I knew for sure that if I stayed there I would die.

There are two problems with me quiting however. The first is that I am still unemployed. I can not seem to find work anywhere no matter how hard I try. On the plus side there I have managed to start working on my ms around, fast. I will not be a flabby bridesmaid.
asters degree which can only help me in the future. The other problem is that I spend the bulk of my day lazing about the house. I've effectively lost all motivation to work out or eat right. I have my family around me constantly, friends around all the time, and with that there is always junk and I don't even think twice about stuffing my face with it. Worse than that I never NEVER exercise anymore. My yoga mat stayed in one spot for so long that the pink hue of the mat transferred onto the wall it was leaning against. That is how unactive I have become.

I however have a big event coming up in a few months. My baby cousin is getting married and I am in the wedding. I absolutely have to turn thing
I will finish my masters degree shortly there after. I was quite portly at my Bachelors graduation and I refuse to look like a blimp at my next graduation.

Beyond that I really am ready to enter into a healthy adult relationship, I want to be able to be comfortable enough with myself that I can allow people to touch me. How can I expect a man to fall in love with me when I am not happy with myself?

I want to be the very best version of myself that I can be.

The first step is to get my motivation back. I know that becoming active here on xanga and being able to connect with the amazing stories of all you amazing women on my friends list. You are all truely the pinnacle of inspiration. I look forward to being able to applaud your successes and hope that you will except my invitation to share in mine.

Missed this.

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 06:37:26 GMT

I missed this. I missed everything.

I missed the control. I want to be pure, clean, clear.

Beautiful.

Man I am so tired

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 10:29:15 GMT

Work has been insane for months now, and its like no matter what I do I can NOT catch up I swear. It helps that I'm doing work for three people though.

I know its had a serious effect on my diet, I don't take lunch but then that means if I get hungry I go for whats always around the office. Popcorn, cookies, junk. I had gotten into the habit of keeping fruit and yogurt in there but people always make off with it and its too much money for me to feed them.

Its completely wiping me out too, absolutely no energy.

but, I have a phone interview with another place on monday, but I'm not sure I want the job anymore. As exhausting as my work is I'm really starting to enjoy it. Ya know? Gosh I don't know what to do.

I need to get a good workout in soon, I could use the endorphine rush.

I cut allll my hair off two weeks ago, it had gotten pretty long but it was gross. Besides its something to drive me, I've always dreamed of having long beautiful blonde hair, right now its super short and light auburn.

I'll start stripping the red/going blonde and growing it out when I drop two dress sizes.

See that? Pretty much my dream hair, and well my dream body obviously.

I'm crawling back

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 16:55:15 GMT

Its been ages, or it seems to have been ages, since I've been on xanga. Last time I posted I felt all high and mighty because I'd dropped down two pant sizes and was getting compliments on how good i looked. I thought I didnt need to hold the reigns so tightly anymore.

That, my lovely friends, was a serious error in judgment. I've put the weight back on, I am so just completely disgusted with myself right now.

I didn't realize just how gross I felt until late this morning when we sat down to have a meeting here at work. Being an office full of women, we pass food around like crazy. Today it was cookies, not even good cookies, like the kind you get in a package at the grocery store. I ate two before I realized what I was doing.

Thats when I knew it was time to come back, to go back to what I know.

I need to take back control.

As of 12:30 today I have had:

1 liter of water - 0 cals (yay water)

1 packet of Crystal Light Hydration on the Go Lightly Lemon - 10 cals (boo flavoring!)

2 disgusting heart shaped cookies - 110 calories a piece = 220 calories.

As of 4:30 today:

220 calories from 12:30

1 package of Swiss Miss French Vanilla Hot Cocoa made w/water - 110 cals

2nd 1 liter bottle of water - 0 Cals (again YAY! water)

1 packet of Crystal Lighty Hydration on the Go Berry Splash (which is gross seriously) - 10 cals

Total as of 4:30 = 340 calories

I'll be editing this entry through out the day as I take in more. I have to really watch myself, I eat SO much.

I'm seriously finding myself drawn to the girls with the maxim bodies, or on the other side of the spectrum the petite lithe girls that would fit on the Agent Provacateur runways.

Miranda Kerr is pretty much perfect in every way actually and she's kind of both.

Almost one month

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 16:41:16 GMT

since my last entry.

In fact its been a month since I even looked at Xanga, which was stupid becuse I was still on my premium account then but I digress.

In this month, I actually avoided thinspo and antagonizing over wanting to look like this girl or that girl and instead just focused on making me healthier. Guess what, I'm down 15 lbs, potentially more.

I'm not hungry, I don't crave food, in fact I feel ill when I do have to eat. None of it tastes good anymore.

I am a little more tired now but as long as I get a couple of hours of sleep at night I can make it through work and my workout.

We'll see how it goes soon because I'm starting back to school. I know when I got my bachelors degree the more I hung out on campus the more I ate. I'm wondering if it'll be the same with Grad School. My classes will be on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, the three days where my family is prone to eating too much so perhaps it'll work out because I won't be home.

No thinspo today, but maybe just a little boyspo

Yeah that would be Jared Padalecki in a towel...shame Jensen Ackles isn't also in a towel...or sharing one with him. ZING!

Blah

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 23:38:45 GMT

I caved and ate not one oreo, but four of them. Four freakin oreos thats like 200 calories.

What was I thinking?
I'll never get where I want if I don't get stronger.
I have to get stronger if I want to be like these beautiful girls:

Its been a while.

Mon, 10 Dec 2007 17:27:49 GMT

So its been a while since I updated on here. Well okay not that long, but a week is a good bit of time for me. I've been nursing a back injury that involved me staying in one position a lot, and it involved a lot of hovering on my mothers part.

Its extremely frustrating to be a legal adult and still have your mother thinking she has to watch your every move. The other problem is that her idea of comfort, like any good southern born daughter, is food. Everytime I turned around she was trying to shove food at me. I feel so disgusting just thinking about it.

I also havent been able to even come close to working out. So I feel fat and flabby and lazy. Just blah. I'm not supposed to go back to exerscising yet, but I'm just going to forgoe my circuit training and so something low impact...something aerobic. I have a couple of belly dance dvds that could be fun. I might give those a try.

Actually I have them downloaded on my computer, maybe I can upload them for anyone who wants them.

I also have two of the Carmen Electra aerobic dance dvds. They're my fall back when I cant go to the gym or go outside.

They're actually pretty fun, but they're very...encouraging because I have a full length mirror in my room and as I do the belly dancing or the carmen or anything really I can see myself. I can see how fat and gross my body looks right now but I know that if I keep working hard, really hard, I'll look good while I do it.

I'm torn on how I'd like my body to look eventually, I really do like the thin svelte look but at the same time Ive always wanted to have one of those hot bodies.

Does that make any sense, its like I want to be the kind of girl who looks flawless and elegant in a little black dress but I also want to be one of those girls who can run around in the tinest bathing suit and look amazing.

Hell I honestly just want to feel like I can put on a bathing suit, I havent been swimming in years.

Actually its a dichotomy that I've noticed a lot here on xanga, girls either want to be Audrey Hephburn gone scene or Marilyn Monroe gone Maxim.

In example:

This girl is what I would call classy, she's thin and petite and looks so pretty.

Where as this girl has a rockin figure, she's really thin but she's fit, she also has curves the way they were meant to be. She's got the hourglass going, Full chest and a little hip, thin flat waist, tiny thighs that work in a little skirt.

Thats something else that bothers me, the way bigger girls use the word "curvy" as a way to try and deflect the word "fat"

Sure they have curves, but they're the wrong kind of curves, they're the kind of curve that come from love handles curving over to lay on top of other love handles.

This girl would probably refer to herself as curvy, but she's not, she's fat. Anytime you lose your crotch under a roll of blubber youre fat. She has the potential to be curvy, with a serious diet and some exercise. She has the genetics for it, you can see that she has a waist and some curve to her legs but its hidden in the rolls of fat. Her legs would be awesome if she would get some exercise. They're long as hell.

These girls are what she could look like, if she worked hard. They all have very toned bodies but they didnt loose their curves. This is what a curvy figure should look like. (They're a little too tan for my taste and some of the chests are a little questionable as far as nature is concerned but you see what I'm saying)

Sorry this is my soapbox post for the day. Later on I'll do a real inspiration post because I'm too ranty right now to be anything but bitchy.

I get like this when I'm forced to be still for too long.